May 04 2009
“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” ~Rita Mae Brown
“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.”
Rita Mae Brown
Boy, isn’t this the truth?! The people that I know who hold grudges are also the unhappy people in my life. I often hear from people, “Why would you forget what others did to you, doesn’t that make you a fool?” I personally feel the exact opposite! Being so closed minded that you cannot forgive someone from being a human and making a mistake is not right. Everyone makes mistakes, haven’t you made a few of your own? Some were probably pretty big too weren’t they?
Just yesterday I was having a talk with my boyfriend about a friend from the past. My boyfriend and I have been friends from my freshman year of high school on. We have had the same group of friends for the last 9 years. He was friends with a guy for 13 years then after a while his friend started to have real issues with being jealous of them growing apart. There were a lot of things that were said and done that ended up ending their friendship. We happened to have run into him over a year ago at a bar, but no attempt to reconnect was made just a hello and goodbye kind of situation. Within the last few months they happened to run into each other again. His friend seems to really want to reconnect and try the friendship again. Of course my first reaction was scared because this guy has caused our relationship a lot of problems in the past, but after thinking about it I know how much I miss my high school best friend! It is a bond that is hard to find again. My boyfriend was saying that he isn’t really returning his friends effort at making the friendship again because he did do mean spiteful things, and what if it was to happen again. I told him this quote and he didn’t really respond. I think it is because it is something that we all know, but our fears just kind of keep us from believing.
We are so afraid to let someone hurt us again that sometimes it seems so much easier to build a wall around you so that you know no one can hurt you. I personally have issues with this as well. I have been betrayed by a lot of people who were close to me, but I know that I have hurt other people who are close to me as well. As I told my boyfriend yesterday, how do you know he hasn’t learned the error of his ways? Some of the hurtful things his friend did that were mention were up to 5 years ago! I know that I am no where near the person I was 5 years ago. Forget what he did, allow him another chance. If people continue to do the same things, year after year, or situation after situation then you know that is who that person is at the core. You cannot judge people off of something they did in a short time period of their life. As I told my boyfriend, he was having a lot of drama and problems in his life in that time frame that had nothing to do with his friend. What his friend did just happened to happen at the same time and make things a bit harder to deal with. You cannot blame someone because they didn’t react the way you wanted in a situation.
I think that everyone deserves a second chance. At some points in your life you just are not compatible with all of your friends, even ones you have had for years. You change just like they do, and sometimes it is harder with close friends because you get in such a routine that you cannot understand why to you they are suddenly this different person from who they remember you being in the past. If you forget and forgive what others do to you, you still learned a lesson and became a better person, but you are also a better person because you are not judging them for who they were. You are also allowing them to show you what they learned and how they grew. Who knows maybe you will get an amazing friendship or relationship out of it! I know that when my boyfriend and I dated back in high school he did things that hurt me deeply at the time, now he is the most perfect man I could have ever hoped for. He learned from his mistakes, and he took me the time to show me that. I am so thankful that I allowed him a chance to show me. I know your heart can be weak and hurt easily. I personally think that all the pain has been worth it because it has taught me to love better! Always try to find a way to make your negative into a positive.
You do not have to welcome them back into your life with open arms. Just at least let them try to show you who they are now. As I tell my boyfriend get a drink, go to a movie, something where there is not a lot of pressure to talk and reconnect but something that can still be fun, and allows you some time to see who they are today. At least see them and see how it makes you feel inside. I know that I have had breaks from all of my close friends that I have today, but every friend that I had to this day is from high school, or from years ago. They understand that I messed up for a few months, years, whatever the case may be, but they also see that I learned a lesson from the errors of my ways! Do you miss someone from your past? Why can’t you try to see who they have become?
