May 31 2009
Confront him? I saw my guy at lunch with another girl!
Should I confront the guy I’m dating? Just saw him at lunch with another girl?
“I started dating a new guy within the last month or so. We have not had the talk to make things exclusive between the two of us yet, so we are just casual dating. We actually live very close to each other there are only a few blocks between our two houses. We went on a few dates together before I had to leave the country on a preplanned vacation. I was gone for two weeks and in that time I started to feel as though he was losing his interest. I saw him on the dating site, where we met, a few other times as well as noticing his lack of showing me interest. When I came home I decided to send him a text message just explaining quickly that if he was not interested in continuing dating I was fine with that. I just wanted to be told whichever way it was that he was leaning. I told him no matter how he feels I would understand, and that I would have no hard feelings. He responded to my text by saying that he would like to talk after work. We had a very good conversation about my trip and all of the details of my vacation. At the end of the conversation he told me that for the next few days he was very busy with work so he would not be able to see me during that time.
Today, I was out and about running errands. I happened to see him outside of a restaurant and he was with another girl. I could tell that they were talking, and he was pointing in the direction of his house. I later drove by his house and both of their cars were there.
I am not quite sure on the best way to handle this. Do I say something to him about it? Do I not say anything to him, but stop seeing him? I know that we are not exclusively dating so technically he is not doing anything wrong. I am still very mad that he just didn’t tell me the other day that he is seeing other people, when I specifically asked him about his interest the other day.
Any advice would be appreciated.”
Okay this really irritates me because what exactly happened with the guy and girl for you to assume that this was not a friend, or coworker? Why just because he was with the opposite sex does this have to be something that you are so worked up and angry about? I have many male friends and nothing more would ever come of it. Sometimes they can help me with things that my boyfriend cannot help me with. Just like I know other females are great at things I know nothing about. Also, you just met this guy and started dating. How do you know that this is not a cousin, sister, lifetime friend?
I think that you need to relax on your overreacting and running all of the “what ifs” through your head… Simply ask him next time you see him. In a VERY CALM AND UN-ACCUSATORY way, about what you saw. Just simply say “Hey I saw you eating out with another girl, I did let my jealousy get the best of me so I drove by your house and saw that there was an extra car at your house. I just wanted to ask what was going on so I didn’t over react and assume. You know what they say about assuming. It only makes an ASS out of YOU and ME! You cannot know what this man is thinking unless you ask him!”
I think that you need to sit back and really think about internal issues that you have from your past. I know that there are weaknesses that I have with my boyfriend now. How I deal with it is that I always go right to him with my concerns. I have had a lot of bad relationships in the past where people lied a lot, I also had many friendships that ended due to large amounts of deception. Therefore, whenever I hear him say something or see something that makes me worry a little I bring it to his attention immediately. I know that there have been countless times where I have done something that I feel is completely innocent, but in reality I have hurt someone else’s feelings. Don’t expect everyone else to be perfect, or think that you know what everyone is thinking feeling and doing.
