“Is America becoming a sex crazed country? Have we got to the point where we can’t even keep relationships going while being in committed relationships? Divorce rates are higher than ever, and people seem much less interested in long term relationships. Is society shifting once again, or is this just something that I am imagining? It seems like we just would rather have sex with random people than be in love.”

I think that it really depends on individual people. When I was younger an ex-boyfriends grandmother once told me… “Divorce rates are so high because people just find it way too easy to walk away from their problems. They were not taught how to learn with problems, deal with emotions and communicate properly with a spouse so they find it easier to walk away.” I agree with her point of view but I also think that for some people to walk away really is the best thing.

I know that some people years ago stayed together even when they were unhappy because divorce was not accepted, but now some of those people really do find the so called “love of their life” later in life. I personally know that I hope to never get divorced, but I also know that I am extremely for it in some people’s situations! I know for one I am very thankful my parents are no longer together!

I think that you do have to learn how to be in love, as well as you have to learn how to be in a relationship. I also think that getting married young is a reason for high divorce rates. We meet people in high school and think that they are the ones for us the rest of our lives. The one thing that we don’t realize is that we cannot always only be a spouse we must also grow on our own and it tends to make relationships end because the people grow apart and begin to resent their spouse instead of finding a way to grow together.

I mostly wanted to write a quick short post saying that I am sorry for the lack of new posts. It has been a very busy past three weeks. I helped my mother move, as well as moving myself, and taking a short mini vacation with my father’s family. I was trying to stay ahead of myself and having plenty of posts done so that I could just post my thoughts quickly, reply to your emails and comments then get back to helping everyone adjust. I did seem to get behind though and starting tomorrow that will no long be the case! I will be back up to posting on a daily basis! I really appreciate all of your understanding!!

Of course, my supplied honesty could not go a week without having plenty to say, so I will try to sum up the big issue’s I have thought of. Between my obsession with crime shows, my book about a school shooting, and spending time with my father who’s work is very dangerous and yet they still had a freak horrific accident I really feel the need to say something about appreciation again! You never know how much time anyone in this world has, I try my best to stay away from any remarks that have to do with religion, but I truly believe that when it is your time to meet your maker that is just the time your life just must end. There is no way around it, you cannot choose the way or the time. I do think that one thing we fail to forget it the way that another’s death can really affect us! You may never meet a guy, but when you hear the way he suffered in war, or in efforts to help another human survive it will make you feel something inside! You may not even get close to a friend’s relative but when they pass it brings up so many memories about your own family! Most importantly if you are living your life in your regular day to day routine and god forbid something terrible happens and you cause another physical pain or even death, you never really think about how that could affect you. I have known many people who have got too tried, too lazy to drunk and made a mistake that ruined many people’s lives. I know sometimes you work overtime or babysat extra kids and feel more exhausted than normal so you try to take some shortcuts to make things easier on yourself. Just remember what consequences you may have to face for the rest of your life if you do take those short cuts. If you know you are too tried to drive, call a friend to pick you up or take a quick nap. There is always a safer option! Also ALWAYS trust your instinct. I have horrible night vision, driving at night for me outside of the city can just make me very worried at times. I always listen to that slight fear or intuition, it helps me to be more careful and ensure my safety! Listen to yours too; our bodies can sense things we tend to overlook out of fear of seeming paranoid. Also, remember no matter how upset you may be with another person, whatever you say may really end up be the last words you will ever say pick them carefully!

“A wise man never knows all, only fools know everything.”

African Proverb 

Doesn’t this just remind you of that one person who really annoys you because they will argue with you about anything? They are so extreme they will even argue that the sky is purple instead of blue. Do you actively seek out that you do not act like or resemble one of those kinds of people? I know that this is probably my biggest fault that I have. When I know I am right about something I always used to ‘fight to the death’ so to speak. I do not think I know everything, but when I thought that I was right I did not like taking a back seat and being told that I was wrong.

I can think back over the last ten years, and see how much I have changed, but also how much more I could continue to change! I know that I need to realize that the more you listen the more you really do learn! Someday, I hope that I will perfect this!

The next time that you feel you are really arguing to get your point across why don’t you make a conscious effort to stop, and really listen to what their point is. You never know you may realize that you are saying the same things, but in different ways, or maybe you will learn something more about the topic! Heck, it may even just help you perfect your points for the next time that you talk to someone about it! Also, remember when you are trying to get your point across, you don’t have to argue be mean or rude to be heard. When you speak with calmness, intelligence, concern for others, and eager to teach then you are someone others will want to listen to, as well as someone whose words they will trust.

Always remember, listening is one of the most important and one of the most forgotten abilities of people.

To date, or not to date?

“Here I will try to sum of the last year of my dating… A few months ago I got out of a really rocky relationship with a very emotionally unstable guy. He was also bipolar which was extremely hard on me as well because he did not do anything to try to control or take care of his condition. I feel really hard for a different guy who ended up moving out of the state right after I feel for him!

I am pretty sure that the guy who moved was long enough ago, that I am already over him. I am the kind of person who tries to take relationships very seriously and to not make them just some casual thing. I really want a relationship that will last forever. I recently met a guy though some friends of mine, and he really seems like a great guy, as well as someone that I can be serious with. The real issue is that his last serious relationship was also with a pretty unstable person. We find it hard to forget the crazy traits of our ex’s and be comfortable in a new relationship, but I also wonder if we should try dating or if I should just move on?”

Why wouldn’t you take the chance? Every chance is always worth it. You always learn a lesson, and learn how to love better in the end. I say you cannot let your fears run your life! However, I am still a bit confused as to why you do not think that you should date in the first place, because you both have dramatic exes, or some baggage? Who doesn’t have some kind of baggage? Even if they don’t have “crazy ex baggage” they could have family or emotional baggage of their own.

I personally always say that love is always worth it, as well as heartache is. (more…)

Is it appropriate to use PSYOP tactics to try to cause a rift in a girl’s relationship?

“I have been working on using PSYOP tactics on this girl that I really like, but she is in a relationship with another guy. I have a lot of guilt and other self-doubt negativity built up in her already. It would be very easy for me to convince her that her boyfriend is the one causing all of these issues within herself. I believe that he is the reason that she has them in the first place, but I have also helped to make them a bit worse. The more I think about doing it to her, the more I feel that it just may be a bit of an underhanded or sneaky thing to do to her and her relationship.

I technically would not be lying to her, more like manipulating her into seeing that her boyfriend is not good for her. Since it is the truth I think that it does make it okay to do it to her.

After asking all of these questions and weighing the pro’s and cons I think that I am going to try it.”

Manipulating other people to get what you want is NEVER okay, or acceptable! I don’t know if this girls spouse deserves her, but I do know that you most definitely do not! I feel sorry for any girl you claim to care about! You should never use pain within another person to get what you want from them! That shows that you are a very weak and sad man.

The fact that you try to find ways to manipulate this woman into leaving her ex shows that she does not want to be with you. If she wanted you and not him then she would be with you and not him! Don’t try to hurt two people to feel a little bit of gain. I am sure that as soon as you got her to think you were amazing you would loose interest in her anyways so just move on. Find a video game where you can get your sociopath needs filled and leave poor innocent people out of you destructive path! Good luck to the girl and her boyfriend, hopefully they see your true colors shining thru.

I want to break up with my fiancé, how should I do it?

“I am engaged to a very emotional man. Anytime I ever mention the two of us breaking up he always starts to cry. He is not exactly a pansy kind of guy because he doesn’t get all mushy gushy when I try to find out why he is crying, actually he becomes very defensive and angry when I ask him why he is crying. For the last year we have been living with my parents, but I think that we are just too young to be together for the rest of our lives. He is 18 years old and I am 17, I am not sure anymore that I am ready to commit my life to this guy. What do I do so that I can actually break up with him? Whenever he gets emotional it makes me feel so badly that I just back down from it.”

I think that you should just go with the so called “band-aid method”. Just make it a clean break. Tell him why you are not happy in the relationship and why you think that you two would both be better separate. It will be very hard since you live with your parents so you cannot just leave and allow him time, you will have to just do it as forward and quick as possible and help him to pack up and move out. Maybe you should even talk to your parents first to see if they will help him to move out, so that you can tell him well we are just going to help you move out now so that we can make a clean break and neither of us has to have a messy and mean break up. Good luck, and remember if you feel bad when he cries you really are only making it worse because you are leading him to believe that you are happy and want to be with him, when in reality you are not.

“There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.”

Kahlil Gibran 

Do you ever “pay it forward”? When you see an elderly woman struggling in the grocery store parking lot to push her full cart to the car, or to unload the groceries into the car, do you ever offer to help her? When you see a mother of young children struggling to get everything out of the car and keep her children safe, do you ever ask if you can help set up her stroller? Whenever you see someone doing anything that you know you can help with do you ever offer to help and expect nothing in return from that person? I cannot say that I never expect anything in return, but I can say that all I do expect is respect from that person. Just a “Thank-You” is all that I expect to hear from them. That is enough for me. As I tell everyone I know, it all is karma, and all you should try to get is good karma coming your way! If you smile while doing someone a favor, and get nothing from them… you should just feel great inside because you know that person may not be giving you anything in return yet you still gave something that did change their day, if not their whole life. Then you also get the feeling that since you did something great for nothing, in the long run you will get something in return for your great karma.

I really believe in the old saying of treat others as you want to be treated. I think that is what karma is. If you always do onto others as you want done to yourself then your good deeds end up paying off. I am not saying that you need to bend over backwards to always do everything that you can for everyone around you, but you should do things for those in need when you are able to! Even if they do not treat you that kind, or even if they do not show you the same respect you need to treat them as you want them to treat you. Unfortunately we all can not go around and pick who we want to be nice to and who we do not want to. Yes, those who treat you better you give even more too, but you need to always show common decency to everyone you come in contact with! (more…)

“My girlfriend now says that I have betrayed her and that she does not know how she feels about us having a future. I would prefer not to say how I betrayed her, but it is true I too believe that I have done something that betrays her love for me. What do you think I can do to make up for it? I want to know what she is thinking… What do you think of a guy who betrays a girl he is in an intimate relationship with?

I believe that any many who betrays a woman he is committed to is a very weak man. If he cannot be honest with someone that he claims to care so deeply about then clearly he only thinks of himself. If you care for someone enough to be your spouse then you need to respect them a lot more than to be deceitful to them. You say that you are in an intimate relationship with her. What do you think being in an intimate relationship really means? Do you think you are intimate with her because you are sexually active? Or do you think that you are intimate with her because you have a special, unique emotional bond with her?

I am hoping that you think it is intimate because of the second, because to most girls they have no desire to be sexual with a man that they do not feel an emotional connection with. Therefore, when you do something to betray her it is such an intense blow to the heart that some people will never get over it!

Yes, everyone does make mistakes and you may’ve done something very minor that was a truly honest mistake. However, with you refusing to state what you have done, it forces me to believe that you did something to the extreme like cheating, which is the ultimate betrayal! Always think before you act, or speak especially if you are in a committed relationship. When you commit your life to another person you give up all rights to act selfish and without thinking of their feelings before making serious decisions. Commitment to another human is all about compromise and improving each others lives. I hope you learned a lesson from this! The ultimate test of your personality is how you will respond to mistakes you have made.

Is there something wrong with having an age preference?

“I am a 20 year old guy. When I think about my future wife, or even about people I would like to date, I just can’t really see myself with someone old than I am. I also do not want to date someone who is too much younger than me. I have set an age limit for myself on who I will allow myself to date. I will date someone up to 2 years younger than me, for example anyone who’s birthday is between the dates of June 1, 1987 – May 31, 1989. If I meet a girl and she is not within that age gap then I will not allow myself to consider dating her. I am not sure if this will change in time, but I do not that I am standing very firm to this decision right now. I do not like the thought of dating someone within those years if their birthday is after mine in the same year.

Do you think that it is wrong for me to have this age limit when looking for someone to date?”

I think that it will make things a lot more stressful or even harder for you to find someone to date. However, if that is what you are comfortable with, then that is your call to make. I just think that you are limiting yourself from finding someone who really blends well with you, but you are a young guy so you will probably be dating for a few years, and that age limit will probably change or even disappear. Your focus will then just be finding someone who fits with you perfectly. (more…)