Tina’s Supplied Honesty

As I sit at home fighting my awful cold, and cuddling with my pup as he recovers from his “being fixed’ surgery yesterday I was thinking about all of the things that I can blog about today. Suddenly it hit me, why not just think about all the great lazy days! I know I am always the one who says how you must take risks, run out into that world and try everything! There is always a time that you need to stop sit at home with junk food and girlfriends, or sometimes just cuddling with your spouse. It is quite the gloomy day here today! It has been raining off and on all week and if you know anything about Colorado you know that our weather changes every 5 minutes. So sometimes our fully gloomy days just need to be embraced by a good old fashioned lazy day!

I have noticed that over the years my reactions to lazy days have changed. I remember in high school gloomy days were the days I wanted to go to the mall and all that kind of indoors stuff, because of course on hot days you must go to the mountains or do something to enjoy this AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL state! Then on snowy days you usually got stuck inside because your car was not that nice which in the Colorado snow equals stranded and freezing times! Then as I got into the real working world those were days I wanted to call in and have a girl’s day, or a game day, just be home and lazy with people I love! What is your perfect gloomy or lazy day?!

Gloomy days are used to reconnect to yourself and your loved ones I think! I really think that lazy days are so important to remember to love ourselves and keeping ourselves in a good mindset. We have to remember to let our stresses go sometimes and just take some good time for relaxation!

Don’t forget to stop and smell the roses, or enjoy the cold weather with the ones you warms your heart and you inside! I wish you all a perfect gloomy day in the near future! Stock up on your favorite junk food, rent some great chick flicks, and call in for the day! Gloomy days refuel the soul, and reconnect hearts!

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”

Dalai Lama XIV

This seems to be one thing that is easily forgotten by people these days! Lately I have started to notice how many people seem to think that they are so entitled to everything. I have always been reminded my whole life that I was raised much different than most people! My boyfriend and I often have issues, because I rarely think that I deserve anything special! I am often told that I put too much on myself, or that I expect unrealistic expectations. I just know that when I grew up I was taught that you work hard! No matter what you do you work as hard as you possibly can at every situation! You work very hard at everything you do, so that you can get happiness in knowing everything that you do is done the right way!

When you stop feeling that you are entitled you start working a lot harder, which I truly believe makes you a much happier person. You have to choose your own destiny, I do believe in karma and fait. Some people think those things are nowhere near similar to each other. I beg to differ; I think that they are one big intertwined together and a big ball of pressure to be the best that you can be! Ha Ha, the good kind of pressure though! The kind that forces you to be the best kind of you that you can be!

Don’t you ever run into that person that always is mean, grumpy, and unhappy and yet still always think that every luxury in the world should be handed to them? Aren’t they just annoying?! I know the people that I love to be around are the ones that encourage you to be a better person. I think that people need a reality check. We all need to realize that their actions really do determine what happens in their life. It is not just some horrible twist of “bad luck” or everyone else’s fault like they claim!

What do you think? Do you think that happiness is expected and not worked for?

My boyfriend passed away 10 days ago?

“I feel like for the most part I am getting through this fine, I have mostly good days, but they do have their down moments. Overall I feel as though I am so full of love that I am not completely ruined by his death. I feel him and his presence around me, I am mostly thankful because I know that he knew how much I love him, and I knew he loved me. We spent 7 years together and moved in together around 5 years ago. His death was so unexpected, yet somehow I seem to manage just fine knowing that there wasn’t anything he was denied in life! I put him onto a pedestal and treated him amazing! He always did the same for me, he loved me so much! The hardest part I think is noticing that there will never be a future with him. He was my priority, making our life together was our priority, that is now all gone and I cannot have it back. I do not have any of the same dreams any longer. We were supposed to get married and get rich together, we were well on our way for two people who are 24 years old, and we had a very good life and a lot of things. He worked so hard to help us get everything that we have he would work two jobs then tell me it was all for me!

So here is when the drama comes into play… I am supposed to give his crooked family his social security number. They knew that I would have it, and they also know that we share bills with each other. I do not want to give the information to them because I know that they may do some crooked sh*t with it, and I would really hate to see that affect my mortgage. I also want to try to see if I can get any help from the state because we lived together for 5 years and I would need his social security number to get those benefits! I am just the girlfriend and I am curious as if I really would have to give his family his social security number so that they can get a death certificate. (more…)

Do you ever just have those moments where you feel like no matter whom you speak to, there really is not anyone there really listening to you? I heard this song today while doing my daily ritual of blasting music while getting ready, I heard this song and it just reminded me of so many different situations it could relate to! It seems like something that could really fit everyone at some point in their life.

I know that there are many times in my life where I just felt like No one would listen, and I wished just one person would really understand what I was trying to say! Because of how often I know I have felt that way I have put a lot of effort on a regular basis to trying to be the best listener that I could possibly be, however, we all know that sometimes we just get so preoccupied that we don’t really know how to be great listeners all the time. That was a large point of this blog actually, when you try to talk to people about your personal life it because a very scary road. Usually you already know them and are already vested in them somehow as they are invested in your life, that generally makes people very biased and unable to see both sides of the picture! It is also very hard for most humans to stand beside you when you didn’t do what they thought you should’ve done.

How many people in your life told you to do something a certain way “because I am older I know what is right, and you do not!” then you do what you feel is best and they throw all the nonstop ‘I told you so’ comments you can ever imagine in your face? Those are people who are really listening are they? Aren’t those people who just heard your words but never listened to the feelings behind them? I know that it is hard to find a common ground with people, I understand that when you are vested within a situation it seems so hard to member to take a step back and look at the bigger picture! I hope to be able to remind even just one of you to do that for someone who you know needs it right now!

This world is a crazy place right now, so many things have changed in the last few years and some people just do not understand how to deal with it, some people just need someone to listen to what their feeling and tell them it is okay to be confused or unsure sometimes! No one is perfect; it is your imperfections that make you a beautiful person! Anyone can claim perfection; it is much harder to claim your faults! I will do all that I can to try to listen to anyone who needs it! 

Miss Tina,

I have been close friends with this guy for a few years, for the last 3 years I have liked him as even more than a friend. I always knew in the back of my mind that I should not form feeling for him because of complex reasons including my faith and my parents. I just felt so much for him that I never told him that those things would eventually cause serious problems with us ever being more than friends. Over the last year we grew quite close to each other, and he often mentioned that he did want to be more than friends. After he had mentioned that he wanted to take it to the next level a few times I just broke down and felt that I had to tell him the issues, and that we could never be more than friends. He really was taken aback by my telling him that there just was no options we could never be more than friends due to my respect for my family and religion. He clearly had no idea that there could’ve been an issue. He looked very sad and hurt by it for days, and I do feel horrible about it still! Just because I cannot be more than friends does not mean that I don’t still care deeply for him, I want him to know that I still care for him! He never really gave me a chance to explain everything to him because he was so shocked by what I told him that he has refused to talk about it since then. He said that we can be friends, but since I told him it does not seem like we are very much of friends. I even feel like I may be falling in love with him because he is so great to me, and is sweeter to me than anyone ever has been. Even through all of this mess he is still being great to me, and I was dishonest with him so it only makes me feel even worse!

I feel like I need to find a way to show him that I do feel bad, and that it is all a mistake on my part, that he didn’t do anything wrong except be so great to me that it made it so hard to tell him I am not able to feel the way that I feel. He says that he does not want to talk about it, but he just seems like he does because he does not have closure or full understanding of what happened. I really wanted to be with him because he is so great, but the further things went with him the more that I realized how against it all my family would be.

  I need your help! How do I fix this whole situation? I just want my friend back!  

When you make a choice to not be open and forth coming with information regarding someone you care about, you lose your right to redeem yourself in most people’s eyes. You did do something very wrong to this man that you cared about. You allowed him to think that you felt for him and had a desire to be with him, when that was not the case or at least you won’t let it be reality. You deceived him and you made a conscious choice to let him believe one thing then years later tell him your parents will not allow it. (more…)

“Dream as if you have forever. Live as if you only have today.”

James Dean

I would say that this is my main struggle that I am going through right now. I start to dream then stop to ask if that is really realistic. Are all of your dreams supposed to be realistic? Aren’t you supposed to reach for the stars?

When you’re very young you are told over and over by the vast majority of people that you need to reach for the stars, or to do whatever it takes to make your dreams to come true. Then when you go to school they humor those thoughts for a little bit, then one day you hit high school and suddenly you are constantly told to be more realistic! This reminds me of a great comedy skit by Eddie Izzard in his “Dress to Kill” movie. In his skit he is told to keep changing his career dreams because he is shooting too high, or as he says in his skit he needs to “scale it down a bit”.

Then when you get to college everyone starts acting like then did when you were a kid again. They give you this long list of all the majors and careers that you can pick anything that you think would be great and go to school for it then do it for the rest of your life! Very rarely will you meet a counselor or advisor who will say, “Um nope I don’t think that this is the right major for you”.

So I say always have HUGE OVER THE TOP DREAMS! Just be sure to keep yourself in a reality check by making a plan to get to those dreams. Also always make sure that you do have a back up plan. That does not mean that you don’t believe in yourself, or that your dreams are too far fetched, it just means you are being careful while reaching for the stars! Putting yourself into debt or into an unsafe situation while going for your dreams has never helped anyone to reach their goals! So while dreaming big for your forever time that you have, live each day to the fullest. Don’t put your life on hold until you reach those goals! Enjoy everyday of your adventure!

“I have been dating this guy for a few months. We are not exceptionally close, but I thought that we had a pretty good connection and bond for the short time that we have been dating. I really think that I may love this guy! Lately there has just been quite a change in everything though. We do not get to see each other that often so I was very excited when he said that we would make plans to see each other a few nights ago. Then he tells me that he won’t be able to make it on time because he had to do some things with his brother. I tried to be nice about that because it is his family and he did say that he would still see me just later. Then he ends up completely ditching out on me for his friends! Since then he has hardly talked to me, and just seems to have even less time for me than he did before. I feel like I need to talk to him about it because if not then we are just going to stay stuck in this spot until we brake up from all the fighting. I just don’t know what to say to him so that he can even find the time to talk to me. I have even thought that maybe if I just cheated on him I would teach him a lesson to appreciate me more. I just do not think that I can cheat on him because I really love him!”

Well I think the first thing to say is that if your guy is not respecting you in the way that you feel you deserve then you need to make that known! I strongly believe that others treat you the way that you allow them to treat you! Of course you will always experience that jerk stranger who is will yell at you no matter what you do. Or that one person who you know just has no clue how to treat others with common decency. But when it comes to those people you choose to have in your life and close to you, they treat you the way that you allow them too. You don’t need to become overly dramatic or rude when you think someone isn’t treating you fairly. Just find the way that works best for you to explain that you think that they are not showing you the respect you feel you deserve as well as the respect you show them! You can’t demand respect from someone that you do not respect! Treat others as you want to be treated! Now that that little rant is over with, I shall get back to your current situation.

If your guy is choosing not to talk to you or spend time with you, why do you think that this is love? Also if you are even considering on betraying his trust so much as to cheat, why do you think you love him? I know that break ups can be very hard to deal with, not to mention scary to initiate, but sometimes they really are for the best. If you do not see each other, do not speak to each other, and do not have fun together then really what is the point in being together?

Have you ever tried to look at from his point of view? You do not say why you are not able to see each other often, but if it is because he is a busy guy then why do you think that you should get time over his friends? I completely understand that a man who goes back on his word is NEVER a good kind of guy to have in your life. However, have you tried to be relaxed and understanding? If he wants to see his friends a certain night for a specific reason do you get upset and start a fight or are you kind and understanding? Guy time is extremely important for males. If you try to come through and end his guy time then he will not be choosing you over guy time ever! Remember you are not the only one to think about when you are in a relationship, and if you think he is being too selfish then it is time to hit the road!

What kind of person are you? Would you pick a real live roller coaster at an amusement park or just opt for the Sim’s City computer animated version? 

I recently read a discussion question on a forum that I visit lately. It was someone from America explaining a horrific train accident that occurred in another country. They said that when the train wrecked it caused a lot of fear and ruckus. She also explained that many people were hurt and some were even killed. The member then proceeded to ask all other members if they would allow the fear of what could happen to force them into staying inside their homes at all times. If there were any people out there who would just stay home in efforts to try to ensure their safety. The one thing that really got me about all of this is that when explaining the crash, she stated that the accident was right in the middle of a community where people lived, which is what made it such a horrific accident! I personally do not understand the lock yourself inside the house to stay safe way of living!

I would never let the “what ifs” of the world stop me from doing anything that can bring me pleasure. If you look hard enough at every situation you can always find a negative in it! I work very hard to try to live my life in a positive life. I am not naive and do not ignore realistic fears, but to me natural disasters, or accidents are not worth ending the enjoyment or fun in my life.

Whenever I hear people say well what if you get into an accident while making a long car trip, or what if you hurt yourself it kind of makes me chuckle. I then smile and kindly remind them that you can fall down the stairs in your house and break your back, you can slip on a wet kitchen floor and get a concussion, you can walk across the street to check your mail and be hit by your neighbor, you can walk your dog and be mugged, and most importantly… anything is possible! If you may get hurt wouldn’t you rather have an AWESOME story to tell about how you were hurt? (more…)

“I am 23 years old and I have been dating my boyfriend for the last two years. I know that we are still very much in love, but we also have had our set of problems.

One of the problems that we have is that his best friend is a very close friend of mine as well. I confide in him often and awhile back while we were having a heart to heart it was admitted that we both found the other very attractive, however, we both agreed that nothing would ever come of those feelings because pursing anything is wrong even if I was no longer with my boyfriend. He is how we met each other after all, so it just would never be right.

The last year since that heart to heart we seem to spend a lot of time together, some may even say that we are inseparable, and we have been flirting a lot. I trust that it is only flirting, but that attraction is still there and it is pretty strong. On my end I think it is becoming much more than a physical attraction. I get very jealous when he does go out on dates. I know that my feelings are slowly getting stronger for him and crossing the friendly friendship flirting boundaries. How do I stop the feelings for him, but keep the friendship there and just as strong as it is now?”

Okay first I have to start by saying; you are not “very much in love”! When you are in love you only have eyes and “strong feelings” for one person.

As for the best friend, no there is nothing you can do to suddenly end your attraction to him. The safest and best thing to do is obviously going to be not keeping him in all of your life. To me it sounds like you may be having an emotional affair with this guy, you want him so involved in your life because of the emotional connection you have with each other. I think that if you really want things to work with your man, you will have to cut this other guy out so that you give all of yourself to your man again, if you feel that is possible.

I personally think that you need to end your relationship with your boyfriend! You are already past a friendship level with this other man, and that is not okay or right to do to your boyfriend! It also proves that you are not being fulfilled by your boyfriend. Be fair to everyone involved and just end the love triangle now, you will all be happier when you can be single and live without guilty, or when you are with someone who truly fulfills you!

“We do not see things as they are; we see things as we are.”

Talmud

Have you had that sort of realization moment in your life yet? I know that I have had quite a few! I think that it is very important to know that you do go through phases in your life! One day one situation may cause you to cry, while another day it may make you feel empowered and strong willed. The older that you get and the more you experience the more your responses change to typical situations.

When you were 14 and your parents grounded you retaliated by yelling or pouting or slamming doors. Now you obviously cannot be grounded, but if your boss tells you that you are on probation for whatever reason you respond much different, however, it is a lot like being grounded isn’t it? You are being punished for a decision you made by someone with a higher rank than yourself. When you get older you just learn that acting certain ways is just not acceptable. I know that sometimes certain people seem like they never get that common sense or common decency part of their maturity, I don’t really know how to how that happens. (more…)