Jul 01 2009
“Speak when you’re angry, and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.”
“Speak when you’re angry, and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.”
Lawrence J Peter
I am sure that we have all learned this for ourselves at some point in life. It is one of those things that we hear and then you think, ‘well thanks for telling me now’! It is also one of those things that our parents could’ve told us a million times but we needed to make that mistake ourselves to learn the full lesson. Just like those other pesky life lessons we must have like heart brake, responsibility, personal drive and ambition. No one can ever fully explain why these things are so important to someone who has not experienced them, at least not to a point where you never have questions or doubt about what you are told. I have always believed that the best way to raise a child is to allow them the ability to make their own mistakes. You can explain why something is wrong until your blue in the face, but until one experiences it for themselves they will never understand the full repercussions or lessons for an action.
When you are angry and retaliate in the moment, you will end up saying things that you regret. Sometimes it may not be as extreme as others, but that does not always matter either! One thing I think everyone fails to understand is that it is so hard to erase others words from your memory once they have been said. Yes, apologizing is a very nice gesture and sometimes it really can help to fix things, however, other times it is almost impossible to forget what has been said. When you are very angry and you tell someone something intentionally to hurt them then you run the risk of never having that person as part of a healthy relationship in your life again!
When you are angry there is so many things that you can do to help to fix the situation without making it worse. We all do need to vent, and get things off of our chest at times, but you should never do it when you are angry. If you feel you have to do it at the peak of your anger then please be smart enough not to do it to the person that you are upset with. That is how relationships are ruined and regrets are formed!
I am not close to perfect and sometimes I have been angry and said things I felt that needed to be said. I quickly realize after I say it that yes, it is an issue and it needs to be talked through, but never while angry or in a heated argument. Are you in a relationship with a person who always gets very angry, and when you try to talk it through to calm them down it just makes it continuously worse? You need to find a way to work through that. I always like to recommend a way to deal that I learned while in high school. A teacher of mine said that her husband would ask for his own time. When he would start to get angry he would say that he needed his time to be alone. The catch was that it was always with the understanding that after a 10-minute brake they would come together and agree to speak calmly about the issue.
Everyone must find a way to control their emotions and get to the point where no matter how upsetting an issue may be for them, they must always find a way to calmly talk about what is upsetting to them to come to a compromise or conclusion. Do you know tips on how to help others control their anger as well as other emotions? Please share them!
I think that it is always different for every person; I do know that for me I had to change everything about my life to find a happy calm medium. You must have a way to work the anger, aggression, and stress out of your body that we all slowly build up over normal everyday activities. I personally think that working out is the best way to relax and feel a sense of relief!
I’m going to have to disagree a little bit. There are times when finding a way to calm down before speaking to someone is the right solution, however there are times when speaking - yelling is the neccessary solution. If someone persists to push your buttons and you’ve been nice, calm and collected the first few times with them and it didn’t do any good, then it is time for plan B; yelling. There are times when being blunt is the key and people tend do that best when they are angry. Where as, when we are calm, we try to sugar coat everything to avoid conflict. Thus, leaving room for confusion and plenty of space for another argument over the same thing to creep in again.
I am clearly not a sugar coat things kind of person, I also am not a yell things out while angry kind of person. I think that everyone does have their own way of dealing with every situation, but I will just never see the point of yelling and screaming at each other. When you are so angry that you are yelling most of the time you can’t even remember what was said once you finally calm down because you are deafened by your yelling and adrenaline.
I think that it is very possible, as well as best for me to deal with people while being calm. I can get my point across much better when calm and when I can remember all points of why I think what they did not was not okay. I think this is just one of those agree to disagree kind of situations. I used to be a yeller, and then I saw what others looked like when they acted like that, as well as reevaluating what I used to act like. I truly believe that being calm kind and collected will end confusion and work out a situation long before a yelling match does.
I personally know that the few people in my life currently that do just let it all build up then yell about everything while angry are the people who I try to avoid. You never know what will set them off or cause them to explode at you. I think finding a calm way to deal with disappointment is the best way, as well as the safest. If you let things build up until you are to the point of screaming at each other, how do you know the right person will set you off? How do you know that you won’t hit your limit with the wrong person and accidentally take everything out on them?