Tina’s Supplied Honesty

Miss Tina,

I have been close friends with this guy for a few years, for the last 3 years I have liked him as even more than a friend. I always knew in the back of my mind that I should not form feeling for him because of complex reasons including my faith and my parents. I just felt so much for him that I never told him that those things would eventually cause serious problems with us ever being more than friends. Over the last year we grew quite close to each other, and he often mentioned that he did want to be more than friends. After he had mentioned that he wanted to take it to the next level a few times I just broke down and felt that I had to tell him the issues, and that we could never be more than friends. He really was taken aback by my telling him that there just was no options we could never be more than friends due to my respect for my family and religion. He clearly had no idea that there could’ve been an issue. He looked very sad and hurt by it for days, and I do feel horrible about it still! Just because I cannot be more than friends does not mean that I don’t still care deeply for him, I want him to know that I still care for him! He never really gave me a chance to explain everything to him because he was so shocked by what I told him that he has refused to talk about it since then. He said that we can be friends, but since I told him it does not seem like we are very much of friends. I even feel like I may be falling in love with him because he is so great to me, and is sweeter to me than anyone ever has been. Even through all of this mess he is still being great to me, and I was dishonest with him so it only makes me feel even worse!

I feel like I need to find a way to show him that I do feel bad, and that it is all a mistake on my part, that he didn’t do anything wrong except be so great to me that it made it so hard to tell him I am not able to feel the way that I feel. He says that he does not want to talk about it, but he just seems like he does because he does not have closure or full understanding of what happened. I really wanted to be with him because he is so great, but the further things went with him the more that I realized how against it all my family would be.

  I need your help! How do I fix this whole situation? I just want my friend back!  

When you make a choice to not be open and forth coming with information regarding someone you care about, you lose your right to redeem yourself in most people’s eyes. You did do something very wrong to this man that you cared about. You allowed him to think that you felt for him and had a desire to be with him, when that was not the case or at least you won’t let it be reality. You deceived him and you made a conscious choice to let him believe one thing then years later tell him your parents will not allow it. (more…)