Oct 13 2009
Day 2: When you find out they were not ‘The One’ after all!
So I have talked about how to know when you have found that special person to spend your life with. I also mentioned that it can be the one for now, instead of the one for all time. I do truly believe that we are meant to spend our lives with one person. I would love to believe that I would never have to go through a divorce or that I would never have to lose the man I currently love. I do know that I have felt similar to this before as well, but it was not for all time.
People come into our lives to help us through situations and moments of time. Sometimes we are lucky enough to grow at the same rate of those people so they are always in our lives. Other times life runs its course at a different rate for different people and you grow apart. I think that if two people truly care you can always make any relationship work, but sometimes we get so tired that giving up and starting over seems so much easier.
In my past when I thought that I was going to be with a man for the rest of my life, it was not really out of happiness, love, joy or any of those honeymooner feelings it should be about. We had built our lives together. We had made ourselves into one, and over all it generally worked. We just were not heading to the same future. One had all the hopes and dreams of the perfect future, while the other thought of the next chance they could party. We both had common dreams, but only one really wanted to take the steps and effort to get to that future. When our time came to an end, I knew it was right, and I was even a bit relieved. He got mad and threw a fit to the point of trying to leave to get all that he wanted. I was tired of giving in to it all, and yet still I became terrified. The worst part of finding out that they are not the one after all is finding out how to separate your lives, and end your routines. I have not been with this man for 2 years, and still routines still pass my mind in busy cluttered moments of thought.
Here we are all going to get together and really think about what was your one key thing to help you get over your ex. What really helped you to break your cycle, and move forward?
The biggest and most important is to replace them as a confidant in your life. If your spouse was the one that you went to with all of your issues, you must find someone else who can replace that part of your life. If you keeping talking to your spouse then you cannot ever let go of your spousal connection and move forward fully. Do not get me wrong, I think ex’s can be the best and most important friends in your life. They can also be very messy people to have in your life if you do not deal with your breakup properly. You must have a break; you must learn to live without them before you can live with them in a whole new relationship.
You need to cut all strings between the two of you! Sell or split everything you have together! Get your own bank accounts, cell phones, credit cards, and leave everything joint in the past! At first explain to them that you have your own process for moving forward, and for a few months that cannot include them. Forget about all the goals you had together, you are now all about you! You must figure out all your desires without anyone else’s opinion thrown in. I know that I have tweaked, changed, or completely gave up some of my own desires, or goals for my spouse. When the relationship ends, the re-evaluation begins! It is you time! Go out with your friends, make a “bucket list”, as well as create many new friendships and connections!
