Oct 15 2009
Day 4: Hardest Part of Relationships?
What is the hardest part of a relationship?
When I asked this question to readers, friends, and family I got pretty much all of the same general answers. The hardest part of a relationship always goes back to combining the two lives into one while still feeling secure enough, as well as still feeling like your own person.
I know that in my relationship it is the battle between staying independent while growing together. I am more dependent upon my spouse now than I ever have been on anyone since I was a young child. It is scary to know that if this one person decided to change their mind, you could lose your whole world as you have made it. It is not that I think my guy is going to up and tell me get out I want everything, but I am a person who likes to know what my future holds, and leaving it even partly in anothers hands is scary.
A reader said that her biggest issue with her 15 year marriage was that “Sometimes I feel we don’t have separate lives. I feel that our lives commingle so close that I lose my sense of self.” How does she deal with this? She does it in a very responsible and appreciative manner, “At the end of the day I am truly happy, so why change anything?” If you always appreciate what you have, then you always have a chance!
Another reader says that they have been together so long and went through so many rough patches that their biggest issue is forgetting what happened, and only focusing on their future. I can completely understand that, I hate lying and it seems as though getting over that kind of betrayal is very hard for me. It can build up resentment, anger, and walls that are sometimes impossible to get past. How they make it work? They are not sure how to do it on their own. They are seeking help from a professional, another great way to deal with issues. It can be impossible to work through issues with another person when you resent them. You are unable to see things from another perspective which makes it impossible for you to let things go.
I think this is exactly why people have a hard time maintaining relationships. It is definitely hard to let someone else in while keeping yourself together. I always feel as if I let their life take over mine instead of being able to merge our love successfully. I’m working on it though! I’m hoping my next relationship will last… past all the immaturity and fear.