Tina’s Supplied Honesty

So it seems as though some of my best ideas for topics to talk about come while being miserable in bed with a migraine. I think that this comes into play because it is usually during a time when there is some marathon of a reality show on that I would normally never watch. Today while trying to read and get small things done while trying to aid my migraine I spend some time listening to a marathon of VH1’s For the Love of Ray J. I do not see very much of the show or even pay attention to very much of it. However, one thing that really caught my attention on the show as that they were faulting a girl often and very openly because she said that she did feel that she needed a man to feel complete.

I find this extremely interesting for a few reasons. One reason this is so shocking to me is because this is a show where people are searching for love. Another is because they say that this makes her a weak woman. (more…)

What is the hardest part of a relationship?

When I asked this question to readers, friends, and family I got pretty much all of the same general answers. The hardest part of a relationship always goes back to combining the two lives into one while still feeling secure enough, as well as still feeling like your own person.
I know that in my relationship it is the battle between staying independent while growing together. I am more dependent upon my spouse now than I ever have been on anyone since I was a young child. It is scary to know that if this one person decided to change their mind, you could lose your whole world as you have made it. It is not that I think my guy is going to up and tell me get out I want everything, but I am a person who likes to know what my future holds, and leaving it even partly in anothers hands is scary.

A reader said that her biggest issue with her 15 year marriage was that “Sometimes I feel we don’t have separate lives. I feel that our lives commingle so close that I lose my sense of self.” How does she deal with this? She does it in a very responsible and appreciative manner, “At the end of the day I am truly happy, so why change anything?” If you always appreciate what you have, then you always have a chance! (more…)

Do you know how to move forward after a break up with grace and dignity?

Recently I was out of town and in a town with limited cable channels. I was stuck watching once again MTV’s True Life. It happened to be about people’s who marriages were on the rocks, forgive me but I cannot remember the exact title of the show. Anyhow, one of the females on the shows completely shocked me. I have heard, and saw some insane things done by scorned ex-girlfriends who feel so betrayed by their ex’s but this lady took the cake!

They were having typical relationship issues, both want to take it all and no one wants to compromise any longer. The husband was not living at home at the beginning of the show, then during the show he decided to move back home to give everything one last try. They had a big blow out fight and he decided to move out again. He decided to take the big screen TV out of the family room, and this set the wife off. She poured water into the TV that was outside in the truck. Then while repeating “you try to be nice” over and over again she goes and gets a bottle of bleach and pours it all over her husband’s clothes. She then proceeds to throw things and him while taunting him to throw something back. The next time you see her she is saying how she is not sorry for what she has done, and that she doesn’t understand why her husband is so mad over what was done. Now I really hope that all of you know, this is not a mature way to deal with a break up!

Do you know how to deal with a break up while keeping your cool and being mature? I know at some point we all lose our cool a little bit, but I think my craziest moment would probably be a few too many calls to an ex in high school. Definitely nothing near a crime on the misdemeanor level! It takes time to get over a spouse, and when you are not sure it is what you want you have plenty of insane thoughts go through your head. Whatever may cross your mind, it is your actions that really count in the end.

If you can always remember to take a minute to stop and think things through before acting, then typically you would make it through a break up just fine. Another safety measure to try is appointing a girl friend to be your buffer. Whenever you want to text or call the ex, go through her first. If she still hasn’t convinced you it isn’t a great idea then go for it, but brace yourself for all the problems that will follow afterward. The fights, the rekindled painful emotions, and of course all of the tears! That is when you then go back to that trusty friend and she will help you pick up the pieces all over again. (more…)

So I have talked about how to know when you have found that special person to spend your life with. I also mentioned that it can be the one for now, instead of the one for all time. I do truly believe that we are meant to spend our lives with one person. I would love to believe that I would never have to go through a divorce or that I would never have to lose the man I currently love. I do know that I have felt similar to this before as well, but it was not for all time.

People come into our lives to help us through situations and moments of time. Sometimes we are lucky enough to grow at the same rate of those people so they are always in our lives. Other times life runs its course at a different rate for different people and you grow apart. I think that if two people truly care you can always make any relationship work, but sometimes we get so tired that giving up and starting over seems so much easier. (more…)

Recently I had a fellow blogger, and reader of mine who suggested that I write about how to know when you have found ‘the one’. If you read my blogs a few weeks ago you will see the questions that I was asking anyone to answer about how they knew. I will be randomly posting others stories and answers when I continue to receive them. Here are the key elements that I think tell you when you have found the one, or at least the one for right now.

I have been told many times that I have commitment issues. I do not believe that I have commitment issues, but I do think I have trust issues as well as reality. I have watched many relationships, and people grow and change over time. Sometimes the one that is right for you for a part of your life, may not be the one for you for all time. I think that nothing is wrong with that! We need people close to us and by our sides to help get us through different phases of our lives!
I think that the key to knowing if your spouse is ‘the one’, for either now or for all time, is pretty simple.

Do they make you laugh? Do they make your heart skip a beat? Do you desire to be around them? These are all key things in making sure that you can last the long run. You must be able to stand your spouse if they are the one. (more…)

As I lay in bed unable to sleep once again due to another migraine attack my sentimental side starts to shine through. Of course at 4am on a holiday weekend there isn’t anything to watch on TV except a lot of infomercials or a Jon & Kate plus 8 marathon. In one show they took a family portrait, and I found this so sad because it showed job standing with his arms down at his side and Kate leaning into him with no acknowledgment from Jon what so ever.

I am not sure if in 15 years I will still find this so sad, but if I take any picture with my guy he will do something to look like he loves me. Don’t get me wrong I am not an overly affectionate person. Honestly I am very difficult when it comes to that because I want to feel adorn but I also have serious issues with people being affectionate towards me. I just would like to think that after having children with my guy and being married for so long that at least in a family portrait my spouse could open up to me somewhat. Maybe a simple arm around my waste, an adoring look, or a hand gesture, something other than pretty much turning his back on me.

Now I don’t want to get into all the hype of who ruined their relationship because I never watched their show before, but this is clearly an older episode and Jon is clearly already turned off from his wife.

One thing I will never claim to understand what a child will do to a healthy relationship, because I have never known a couple who was healthy before trying to or accidentally having children. So of course I cannot say anything about having 8 kids and staying happy in a relationship. I just guess seeing that made me fearful of what my relationship could turn into one day. (more…)

How can a spouse betray you, oh lets count the ways… Okay, maybe not there are way to many different ways that they can betray you, and it also varies depending upon your relationship. I know that if my spouse was to do something I could find it as betrayal, while you make think it is natural human behavior, or just him be a guy, as so many LOVE to say!

The big question is how to deal with a spouse’s betrayal. This can vary quite a bit depending upon the level of betrayal. There are always different levels of betrayal because you cannot generalize all actions into one. (more…)

My boyfriend passed away 10 days ago?

“I feel like for the most part I am getting through this fine, I have mostly good days, but they do have their down moments. Overall I feel as though I am so full of love that I am not completely ruined by his death. I feel him and his presence around me, I am mostly thankful because I know that he knew how much I love him, and I knew he loved me. We spent 7 years together and moved in together around 5 years ago. His death was so unexpected, yet somehow I seem to manage just fine knowing that there wasn’t anything he was denied in life! I put him onto a pedestal and treated him amazing! He always did the same for me, he loved me so much! The hardest part I think is noticing that there will never be a future with him. He was my priority, making our life together was our priority, that is now all gone and I cannot have it back. I do not have any of the same dreams any longer. We were supposed to get married and get rich together, we were well on our way for two people who are 24 years old, and we had a very good life and a lot of things. He worked so hard to help us get everything that we have he would work two jobs then tell me it was all for me!

So here is when the drama comes into play… I am supposed to give his crooked family his social security number. They knew that I would have it, and they also know that we share bills with each other. I do not want to give the information to them because I know that they may do some crooked sh*t with it, and I would really hate to see that affect my mortgage. I also want to try to see if I can get any help from the state because we lived together for 5 years and I would need his social security number to get those benefits! I am just the girlfriend and I am curious as if I really would have to give his family his social security number so that they can get a death certificate. (more…)

Miss Tina,

I have been close friends with this guy for a few years, for the last 3 years I have liked him as even more than a friend. I always knew in the back of my mind that I should not form feeling for him because of complex reasons including my faith and my parents. I just felt so much for him that I never told him that those things would eventually cause serious problems with us ever being more than friends. Over the last year we grew quite close to each other, and he often mentioned that he did want to be more than friends. After he had mentioned that he wanted to take it to the next level a few times I just broke down and felt that I had to tell him the issues, and that we could never be more than friends. He really was taken aback by my telling him that there just was no options we could never be more than friends due to my respect for my family and religion. He clearly had no idea that there could’ve been an issue. He looked very sad and hurt by it for days, and I do feel horrible about it still! Just because I cannot be more than friends does not mean that I don’t still care deeply for him, I want him to know that I still care for him! He never really gave me a chance to explain everything to him because he was so shocked by what I told him that he has refused to talk about it since then. He said that we can be friends, but since I told him it does not seem like we are very much of friends. I even feel like I may be falling in love with him because he is so great to me, and is sweeter to me than anyone ever has been. Even through all of this mess he is still being great to me, and I was dishonest with him so it only makes me feel even worse!

I feel like I need to find a way to show him that I do feel bad, and that it is all a mistake on my part, that he didn’t do anything wrong except be so great to me that it made it so hard to tell him I am not able to feel the way that I feel. He says that he does not want to talk about it, but he just seems like he does because he does not have closure or full understanding of what happened. I really wanted to be with him because he is so great, but the further things went with him the more that I realized how against it all my family would be.

  I need your help! How do I fix this whole situation? I just want my friend back!  

When you make a choice to not be open and forth coming with information regarding someone you care about, you lose your right to redeem yourself in most people’s eyes. You did do something very wrong to this man that you cared about. You allowed him to think that you felt for him and had a desire to be with him, when that was not the case or at least you won’t let it be reality. You deceived him and you made a conscious choice to let him believe one thing then years later tell him your parents will not allow it. (more…)

“I have been dating this guy for a few months. We are not exceptionally close, but I thought that we had a pretty good connection and bond for the short time that we have been dating. I really think that I may love this guy! Lately there has just been quite a change in everything though. We do not get to see each other that often so I was very excited when he said that we would make plans to see each other a few nights ago. Then he tells me that he won’t be able to make it on time because he had to do some things with his brother. I tried to be nice about that because it is his family and he did say that he would still see me just later. Then he ends up completely ditching out on me for his friends! Since then he has hardly talked to me, and just seems to have even less time for me than he did before. I feel like I need to talk to him about it because if not then we are just going to stay stuck in this spot until we brake up from all the fighting. I just don’t know what to say to him so that he can even find the time to talk to me. I have even thought that maybe if I just cheated on him I would teach him a lesson to appreciate me more. I just do not think that I can cheat on him because I really love him!”

Well I think the first thing to say is that if your guy is not respecting you in the way that you feel you deserve then you need to make that known! I strongly believe that others treat you the way that you allow them to treat you! Of course you will always experience that jerk stranger who is will yell at you no matter what you do. Or that one person who you know just has no clue how to treat others with common decency. But when it comes to those people you choose to have in your life and close to you, they treat you the way that you allow them too. You don’t need to become overly dramatic or rude when you think someone isn’t treating you fairly. Just find the way that works best for you to explain that you think that they are not showing you the respect you feel you deserve as well as the respect you show them! You can’t demand respect from someone that you do not respect! Treat others as you want to be treated! Now that that little rant is over with, I shall get back to your current situation.

If your guy is choosing not to talk to you or spend time with you, why do you think that this is love? Also if you are even considering on betraying his trust so much as to cheat, why do you think you love him? I know that break ups can be very hard to deal with, not to mention scary to initiate, but sometimes they really are for the best. If you do not see each other, do not speak to each other, and do not have fun together then really what is the point in being together?

Have you ever tried to look at from his point of view? You do not say why you are not able to see each other often, but if it is because he is a busy guy then why do you think that you should get time over his friends? I completely understand that a man who goes back on his word is NEVER a good kind of guy to have in your life. However, have you tried to be relaxed and understanding? If he wants to see his friends a certain night for a specific reason do you get upset and start a fight or are you kind and understanding? Guy time is extremely important for males. If you try to come through and end his guy time then he will not be choosing you over guy time ever! Remember you are not the only one to think about when you are in a relationship, and if you think he is being too selfish then it is time to hit the road!